Batterers

It is estimated that 1 in 4 men will use violence against his partner in his lifetime. Paymar, M. (2000). Violent no more: Helping men end domestic abuse. Alameda , CA : Hunter House Publications.

Abusers batter as a means of power and control, to manipulate, intimidate and rule their intimate partner.

Abusers come from all races, religions, socioeconomic classes, areas of the world, educational levels and occupations.

They often appear charming and attentive to outsiders, and even to their partners, at first. Many batterers are very good at disguising their abusive behavior to appear socially acceptable.

Victims of abuse do not cause violence. The batterer is responsible for every act of abuse committed.

Signs to Look For in a Battering Personality

The following is a list of personality traits that may indicate a potential batterer. It is not the purpose of the listing to imply that every person with some of these attributes is a batterer or potential batterer.

Jealousy - At the start of the relationship, an abuser will equate jealously with love. The abuser will question the victim about who the victim talks to, accuse the victim of flirting, or become jealous of time spent with others. The abuser may call the victim frequently during the day, drop by unexpectedly, refuse to let the victim work, check the car mileage, or ask friends to watch the victim.

Controlling behavior - In the beginning an abuser will attribute controlling behavior to concern for the victim (for example, the victim’s safety or decision-making skills). As this behavior progresses the situation will worsen. The abuser may assume all control of finances or prevent the victim from coming and going freely.

Quick involvement – A victim often has known or dated the abuser for less than six months before getting engaged or living together. The abuser will pressure the victim to commit to the relationship. Later, a victim may feel guilty for wanting to slow the pace or end the relationship.

Unrealistic expectations – An abuser expects the victim to meet all of the abuser’s needs, to take care of everything emotionally and domestically.

Isolation – An abuser will attempt to isolate the victim by severing the victim’s ties to outside support and resources. The batterer will accuse others, such as the victim’s friends and family, of being “trouble makers.” The abuser may block the victim’s access to use of a vehicle, work, or telephone service in the home.

Blames others for problems – An abuser will blame others for all problems or for the abuser’s own shortcomings. Someone is always out to get the abuser or is an obstacle to the abuser’s achievements. The victim or potential victim will be blamed for almost anything.

Blames others for feelings – An abuser will use feelings to manipulate the victim. Common phrases to look for: “You’re hurting me by not doing what I want.” “You control how I feel.”

Hypersensitivity – An abusive person is easily insulted, perceiving the slightest setbacks as personal attack.

Cruelty to animals or children – This is a person who punishes animals brutally or is insensitive to their pain. The abuser may expect children to perform beyond their capability (for example whipping a two-year-old for wetting a diaper or teasing children or siblings until they cry).

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