Myths: Why Does Battering Happen?

Poor anger control - This feeds into the belief that battering is a crime of passion. In fact, many batterers admit to calmly planning violent incidents. Additionally, most batterers are able to control their emotions when on the job, with friends, in court, or when dealing with police.

Stress - Batterers do not experience more stress than non-batterers do. They choose to deal with stress violently. Batterers believe they have the right to control and get their way.

Low self-esteem - Batterers do not differ from non-batterers in their level of self-esteem. The difference lies in the batterer’s belief system regarding women and children. The problem is not how batterers feel about themselves, it is the permission they give themselves to control and hurt other people.

Substance abuse causes the abuse - Getting sober and into a program does not stop the abuse or the violence. In addition, being a “recovering addict or alcoholic” may be used to sidestep responsibility for abusive behavior. Substance abuse is another way for an abuser not to be held accountable. Getting sober is just the first step in dealing with the underlying issues of power and control.

History of abuse from childhood - Many batterers were abused as children. Many were abused growing up and chose not to abuse. Statistics show that men who have witnessed their father abusing their mother are more likely to batter than those who have been physically abused themselves. Both are big risk factors.

Poor communication skills - This myth is grounded in the belief that the abuser wouldn’t abuse if their needs were met. It is a form of victim blaming. Abusers demand that their needs be met before the needs of all others. For their safety, victims learn to read subtle, non-verbal communications well. Even when victims meet the needs of abusers, they continue to abuse.

Battering is provoked or enjoyed by the victim - Battering and other abuses are degrading and humiliating. No behavior on the part of the victim ever justifies battering. No behavior on the part of the victim can change the abuser’s decision to batter.

Batterers need to learn non-violence - Batterers know non-violence. The problem is not their inability to resolve conflict non-violently, but their unwillingness to do so.

Adapted from Maine Child Welfare Training Institute/ University of Southern Maine